Wondering about cold sores and how you get them. I feel clean, pure, innocent? I SHOULD i've never killed raped slaughtered or stole. I've never bruised or ripped apart a human being. I've never commited adultery or had an abortion, I've never been a secret second wife to a person let alone a hidden mistress. I don't cheat in school, I don't skive school, I don't smoke I don't drink and I've never come close to drugs, so why do I feel Guilty. I feel like I'm fooling myself with prayers and scarves, I feel like people our fooling me with their smiles and humble wishes and sincere acts of kindness. I feel trapped but I'm not suffocating, I'm just stuck, behind these translucent yet opaque sheered curtains that are blinding me frm knowing the truth. The truth of what, I don't even know that. I feel lost and uncertain yet I know where I'm heading. I feel scared yet I keep my head held high, wait i'm hypocritical and I'm hiding, away in my house. Because I feel, that where I'm going, I don't want to be there, sure things change once I'm there yet there is no longing for me to sit inside another place and pray with friends ( strangers, total strangers) and I don't know how they tie into my family and my problems, what Problems, i have no problems, or do I. I feel forced I have to go, I don't want to go I feel bad. horrid. broken. scared. I just wanna stay at home and study mandarin and fall asleep after reading tang dynasty poems :) peace be with me.